Obama's 2013 New Year's Resolutions:
Party with Secret Service one last time .
Pack up White House silverware.
Cut prices for Presidential Pardons.
Fire up paper shredders.
Delete teleprompter porno.
Flip off Hillary Clinton.
Get medical marijuana card.
Ask Chris Matthews for a date.
Throw Eric Holder under the bus.
Throw Joe Biden under the short bus.
Romney's 2013 New Year's Resolutions:
Prepare Secret Service pink slips .
Replace missing White House silverware.
Track and freeze pardon payments.
Shred piles of Hope n' Change posters.
Donate teleprompters to the Salvation Army.
Flip off Hillary Clinton.
Rescind medical marijuana cards.
Send Chris Matthews a condolence letter.
Take Eric Holder into custody.
Remove hair plug coverage from ObamaCare.
