Very long turkey story (but worth it)

[BDeal]

Great write up LOL! And congratulations on the bird! What shotgun is that?

[captpete]

Great story, but I'm not sure I believe the stats on the bird. There are no pics of the spurs or the beard with a tape measure.

I am very disappointed. I wasted so much time looking up the word "prevarication" I forgot to like to your post and now I won't be able to find it to get the link to watch your video.

Congrats on the bird!

[strum]

 Great story . You had me at "thunder chicken"   Im thinking the case of bud light would make a heck of a good decoy. Always wanted to bring in a transgobbler

[Tail Feathers]

Congrats on the bird.

On the first story, didn't you leave out a couple of sponsors?  You didn't mention any breakfast foods, snacks or major outdoor superstores. 

[tomstopper]

Good story and write up. Congratulations on the bird too.

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[mountaineer long beard]

Did you remember to say "smash that like button" at the end of your video?

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[RutnNStrutn]

Thanks for the laughs!!

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[Marc]

Actually....  Pretty sure I did see that video on Youtube.

Very nice bird, and great photo-capture of your success!

[PoolGobbler]

Didn't catch on until the halfway permission. Too good!!

[g8rvet]

Replies:

Yes, I got the "chicks" phone number.  Her name is Lola - she looks like a woman but talks like a man! 

Real shotgun is the Weatherby SA-459 in 20 gauge.

Glad someone got the thunder chicken joke  lol

"Smash that like" lmao  I should have thought of that.

and real (boring) story:
Found an out of the way spot (surrounded by deep ravine and wide creek, a pond and a hard road).  It is about 75 acres or so. I have seen hen tracks on it (it is a hill) but never gobblers.  I would always check in on it every so often.  Went by on Wednesday and there were literally 30 strut marks made in the 3 days since the past rain and gobbler tracks everywhere.  Since I knew there was a gobbler there, no foot marks or tire tracks in all season, I figured he was nice and isolated.  As we were leaving I brushed up a little area with my back to the sun looking across an intersection where all the strut marks were.  Got in early and set up.  He gobbled about 150 yards away and I resisted all urges to move on him (it was tough).  He gobbled maybe 5 times on the limb and once on the ground.  I only called once I was sure he was on the ground (about 7:30).  No response.  Had a couple of hens pass by at about 9:30.  9:45 he gobbles off to the north in the other spot I thought about setting up, still about 150 or so yards away.  An hour later, I get a hen cranked up in that direction and she starts closing the distance.  I call the hen in and he gobbles coming down the thinned pines where I thought he would. When he gobbles the hen turns and goes to him and I yelp quietly and I hear him spit.  The hen turns and comes right at me along with another.  They are about 15 yards and working straight to me.  I see fan and he keeps heading to me as well.  He gets to perfect spot and the hens are now 10 yards from me, so I decided a yelp to get him out of strut was risky and I wait until he turns sideways and kill him at about 20 steps at most.  I cutt and yelp before recovery in case there was another with him (the hens flew but I did not want to spook one by standing).  No answer so I get my bird!  Sat down at 6:30 and killed him at 11:30, but I dang well knew he was there and would work his way around to me at some point-I had packed a lunch and plenty of water.  I decided moving in the thinned out pines was too risky because I knew this was the dream bird - isolated with a small harem!  Very heavy bird - 10.5" beard, very sharp 1.25" spurs. Beard was thin, but all the birds we have taken there have had thin beards compared to my home county.  Weird.

[FLGobstopper]

Just wanted to share my hunting story from yesterday.  Got to the spot about 1am.  Figured we needed plenty of time to get into position.  The bird I figured was roosted on public land, but we were going to set up on the private side.  I sorta had permission - my nephew used to deliver the newspaper to the previous owner, so I figure that is close enough.  Anyway, once we get to the spot I start setting up the Double Bull Skate Blind.  It has a giant turkey fan on the front of it, and the back is HECS camo.  We were setting up the 6 decoys when I realized the remote was back in the truck, so I let the cameraman go get it.  I told him to mark where we were on his phone with his OinX GPS app (by hog hunters, for hog hunters - but it works for turkey too).  As he is making the trek out, I set up the Faraday Cage inside the blind and put on my camo tin foil hat to make sure no brain waves escape and spook any gobblers.  Just as I am finishing, the camera guy bumps into the back of the blind because he could not see it (HECS, remember?).  We get in and let the woods quiet down.

Right about daybreak the thunder chicken sounds off on public.  He does not call much, but I realize he is a public land gobbler and is therefore very intelligent.  He is probably too busy solving differential equations and translating Shakespeare into Latin to gobble much.  I let him have it with every call I own, loud, soft, high pitch.  I am pretty sure he gobbled to one of them.  Anyhow, he flies down at about 120 yards and is still on public.  I need him to close a little distance.  I am hunting some handloaded 10 gauge 4oz, #12 of SDTSS (Super Duper TSS). It is 27gm/cc.  It is being tested by the US military and Mossad.  I got the shot from some 21 year old dude on Discord and it costs about $436 per shell.  Don't bother trying to get up with him, he is not answering any messages now (weird huh?).  Since I needed the bird a little closer, I pull out my trusty Crank Fox Double Trumpet.  It is hand made from natalie wood (doesn't float).  I know what to do now and give him the mating scream!  That does the trick and he crosses the line to private.  With each step he takes further on to private land, you can see the intelligence disappearing like cocaine on Hunter Biden's coffee table. By the time he covers 30 yards he is so dumb he is tripping over his own feet, bumping in to trees and dry humping pine cones.  Got to love these private land gobblers.  I range him through my scope (it is the Artificial Intelligence 2.0 model) and it says he is 65 yards, has 6 beards and 1.73" spurs.  Since I now know he is trophy quality, worthy of my expertise and in perfect range, I take the shot.  After I momentarily blackout from the recoil, I come to and see him running.  I jump out of the blind and after three followup shots we have our trophy.  I look at the camera and scream "Take that Jackazz, HEEEE HAAAWWWW" (we are still working on our kill shot catch phrase).  I check out the bird after my vision clears and realize he has a 6" beard and 1/2" spurs.  Should have paid the extra 2 grand and got the AI 3.0 scope.  We load him up and make all of the trips to the truck and my nose finally stops bleeding.

I decide to take him straight to Bubba's Pizza Parlor and Taxidermy.  Bubba is not there but his helper tells me he can't mount him!  I say B.S. and ask why and he says, "Because he has more holes than Dr. Fauci's Coronavirus Origin story". So now I have to clean it.  I stop by the Hoggly Woggly on the way home to pick up my usual Milwaukee's Best and Bud Light is on sale. Since it has some hot chick on the can, I pick up a 12 pack.  It was alright, but was missing something-just had no balls to it. Once home I took off one thigh and tossed the rest, I don't care much for turkey anyway - I am a trophy hunter and I got the beard and spurs.

I will have the whole hunt up on my YouTube channel as quick as possible.  The first 50 likes get 0.1% off a subscription to OinX.  I will include pins to the exact location I killed the bird, but you can easily tell from the videos anyway, I always show as much background as possible so people can find where I am hunting. If I get enough subs I can finally quit my job as Head cart retriever at the Hoggly Woggly. Help me get to a million views.

NOTE: Any grain of truth in the prior story is purely unintentional. It is full of exaggerration and prevarication. If you believed a word of it, you probably trip over your own feet, bump in to trees and dry hump pine cones.  THANKS FOR READING!  I tried to offend as many as possible, but if I missed anyone please make a request for the next story.

[runngun]

Whew!!! That is awesome!!! I am glad that it worked out for you!!! Gotta love it!! 

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[GobbleNut]

Just getting around to catching up on stuff around here...
Gotta say this is the funniest thing I have ever seen on OG!  I was laughing so hard I was crying before I was half-way through it!  Absolutely spectacular piece of writing!  I would give you the needed thumbs up on this one but the keyboard would be stuck on that emoji forever.  I don't know what the highest accolade is, but whatever it is, you get it for this one, g8rvet!  Classic!   

[cracker4112]

This was awesome Vet...Natalie wood, doesn't float, bwaahaha!

[gobrunner]

Great story congrats on the bird