I have a situation that I don't know how to deal with. I am asking you guys because you are level headed and mature.
Last year, I showed a 25 year old guy how to ice fish (I am 30). It started out with him coming with and me setting up the gear with my equipment. At the end of the season, he was doing good and catching fish but we were still using my truck, gas, and gear. Often times, he would forget food and beer so I would offer some to him. Well we are into year two and he still does not bring food, beer, or bait. He does not have a truck and we drive by his house so that is not that big of a deal. The issue I am having is that I cut all the holes, bring the grill for cooking, have beer for myself and when we get on the ice he does not have anything but his few fishing poles and a chair. I know this may sound small but it is starting to get old. Lastly, he never says thanks. I know it means a lot to him, and that he was maybe raised different than me, but still he is an adult so he could do it.
Here is the hard part, we work together so if I fish, he knows about it. Also, I know him and his wife make more than my wife and I so that stings a little also. We enjoy his company fishing, but my wife and I are both growing old of the free loading and not pitching in to help with the fishing and money end of the trip. What would you do? I feel like not telling him about my next trip and leaving him at home so my wife and I can have fun. I also feel I need to say, you buy the food/beer and I will get the bait/gas. Help me out guys.
If hes a true friend he wouldnt do that right.
I know its a hard situation but i would tell him to start splitting the cost.Who knows he might start helping u out.Sometimes with some people it takes tellem about it then they will start.And if he doesnt start splitting the cost then i wouldnt take him anymore.If he gets mad then so be it. YOUR CATCHING FISH AND HE WONT BE.
Just confront him with it man to man. If he is a true friend he will understand and start to chip in. Good Luck.
Quote from: wisconsinteacher on January 28, 2012, 07:42:53 PM
I also feel I need to say, you buy the food/beer and I will get the bait/gas. Help me out guys.
Just come right and out tell him that you enjoy fishing with him, but he needs to start splitting the cost of everything. Just like you said above, tell him that he can get the food and beer and you will get the gas and bait from now on. I think he will understand. If not, so be it. He should be a big boy by now considering he is 25 and married. Maybe he is just a bit fog headed and it never occurred to him to pitch in.
Quote from: fallsflight on January 28, 2012, 07:58:24 PM
Quote from: wisconsinteacher on January 28, 2012, 07:42:53 PM
I also feel I need to say, you buy the food/beer and I will get the bait/gas. Help me out guys.
Just come right and out tell him that you enjoy fishing with him, but he needs to start splitting the cost of everything. Just like you said above, tell him that he can get the food and beer and you will get the gas and bait from now on. I think he will understand. If not, so be it. He should be a big boy by now considering he is 25 and married. Maybe he is just a bit fog headed and it never occurred to him to pitch in.
THIS
Had a buddy like that before he decided to start putting pharmaceuticals products up his nose, but that's a different story. I just started calling him before we left and asked him if he could pick some things because I didn't have time or the cash at the time whether I did or not. He started to pick up on that and the problems per se stopped. :policeman:
Quote from: fallsflight on January 28, 2012, 07:58:24 PM
Quote from: wisconsinteacher on January 28, 2012, 07:42:53 PM
I also feel I need to say, you buy the food/beer and I will get the bait/gas. Help me out guys.
Just come right and out tell him that you enjoy fishing with him, but he needs to start splitting the cost of everything. Just like you said above, tell him that he can get the food and beer and you will get the gas and bait from now on. I think he will understand. If not, so be it. He should be a big boy by now considering he is 25 and married. Maybe he is just a bit fog headed and it never occurred to him to pitch in.
X3... it may just very well be that it has'nt occured to him to pitch in. But, it sounds like you two have been doing this for some time now, so it's unlikely the thought has'nt crossed his mind. I honestly think you'll do him a favor by addresing this with him and he's certainly old enough to hear it and act accordingly. :icon_thumright:
Quote from: fallsflight on January 28, 2012, 07:58:24 PM
Quote from: wisconsinteacher on January 28, 2012, 07:42:53 PM
I also feel I need to say, you buy the food/beer and I will get the bait/gas. Help me out guys.
Just come right and out tell him that you enjoy fishing with him, but he needs to start splitting the cost of everything. Just like you said above, tell him that he can get the food and beer and you will get the gas and bait from now on. I think he will understand. If not, so be it. He should be a big boy by now considering he is 25 and married. Maybe he is just a bit fog headed and it never occurred to him to pitch in.
Honesty is always best......If he's worth his salt, he shouldn't be mad about it. Its possible he just didn't think of it....
I would just lay it out and let him react. If he decides to pitch in then you save money and a friendship. If he gets mad then you still go fishing just without the freeloader.
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For one, I'm sure your wife is prettier than him, and she goes home with you. You owe it to her, and you, to spend some time together, without him along.
Secondly, if it bothers you, voice it to him. If you don't, it's only your fault. He isn't supposed to be able to read your mind.
Simple, honest, direct communication is the key. I'm sure it will work out for the best.
God Bless,
David B.
Quote from: OLE RASPY on January 28, 2012, 07:48:17 PMI know its a hard situation but i would tell him to start splitting the cost.Who knows he might start helping u out.Sometimes with some people it takes tellem about it then they will start.And if he doesnt start splitting the cost then i wouldnt take him anymore.
:icon_thumright: :z-winnersmiley: :agreed:
I would make a light-hearted joke. Something like "Man you still didn't bring anything again! hahaha." And hope he got the hint.
Is violence out of the question??
Regardless of how his sharing works out, for good or bad, that is a separate issue from going with just you and your wife. You should have some time with her and have not him along regardless. I have good hunting buddies, but I don't hunt with all of them everytime I hunt, your buddy (or anyone else) should be able to figure that out.
Have a face to face, calm, logical conversation about it with him. He'll either understand or "hit the road"... problem solved. Toughest part is you proceeding with the conversation. Good luck.
Two things I see, first of all I agree with Boff, time with your wife is more important, so tell him if you and your wife want to go out together this trip is just for my honey and me.
Financially even if he makes more than you it doesnt mean he has more. Youthful indiscretion could have lead to bigger bills than you know about for either he or his wife, school bills etc... So dont look at it like he has more cassh than you he might not, after that just be honest and tell him you enjoy him along for the ride but you cant afford to keep paying for everything.
I agree with the other guys. Just be straight and to the point no need to dance around. He could just be the type that thinks "hey he always gets it and never asks for anything" SOme people are just wired that way.
Agree with he probably hasn't thought about chipping in. Some people don't. I remember one of my sons getting invited on a fishing/camping trip with his friends parents. First thing I told him was to do MORE than his share of camp chores, and he might get invited back. Years later when we go on our Canada fishing trips myself, same son, and his son all jump in on the chores. It's how you are raised. ;D This year now that that the grandson is 18 with a job, he's already been told it's time to contibute financially to the trip besides chores.
I don't necessarily agree with all the other guys have replied. The guy is a moocher. I've known more than one in my life, and if you two are on basically the same socio-economic plane, then he should be carrying his load. If the guy is intelligent enough to hold down a job, I don't believe he doesn't realize he isn't contributing. He just doesn't choose to do so. You can blame it on upbringing, etc, etc, but it all comes down to character, and I'm guessing his isn't going to change, so you need to decide if his companionship is worth it. Since you posted on here, it is obviously becoming a sore point with you, so I'm guessing it isn't.
I have a friend that I hunted with a lot back in the 1980's. He's a great guy, and we had tons of fun together, but he is was always a moocher. I knew it, but enjoyed his company, so I decided to basically ignore it. It was big things, and small things. We'd virtually always take my vehicle. I didn't mind that so much, because I generally had a more dependable one, but it never occurred to him to pitch in on the gas. I was always hungry, so I'd usually stop somewhere for a burger. He would never have any cash with him, so I'd buy his meal as well. If we went a long distance, he'd have money, but if we stopped to eat, he never one time insisted on paying for mine as well. We'd get out in Kansas turkey hunting, and he'd only have a couple of shells with him, so he'd "borrow" some from me, never one time offering to pay for them. We haven't hunted together for several years now, and he has fallen on hard times due to some health issues. I still consider him a friend, but to be honest, if I had it to do over again, I would not let him take advantage of me the way he did, because in retrospect, I don't feel as if he treated me with the same respect I afforded him.
Personally, I'd cut the guy loose.