Funniest Thing That Happened on A Hunt

[born2hunt]

These are great, and why is it the best stories always involve crap.  I guess we'll always be teenagers.

I'll add a crap story to the mix.  A friend and I were hunting the mountains of PA.  We drove my truck to the top of a ridge and set out to a small spur that usually held a bird, and it did this morning.  It was still well before fly down time, and my buddy has to go.  I thought I had all my bases covered by reminding him to be as quiet as he could, go away from the bird and for god's sake, stay down wind.

Well this bird kept hammering harder and harder and he must have gotten in a hurry.  Before I knew it, he was back beside me on the same tree, gun up and at the ready.  As we worked this bird I would assume that had hens, he kept asking me "Did you fart?  I smell "  After a couple episodes of this, we made a move and ended up bumping in to a black bear with a cub, which in and of itself was a pretty funny story.  They can be quite protective, so things were very tense until they trotted away, and as always right towards the gobbling bird shutting him down.  In the midst of the hunt, my buddy crossed over to being up wind of me and the reason for his question became more apparent.  He was smelling himself.  In his pre-dawn rush, he had dropped his coveralls and not taken the time to "clear the landing zone" and proceeded to lay a steaming pile in the back of his suit.  When he finished processing the paperwork (which were included in the nice package), he pulled up his coveralls, zipped them up and went on about his merry way, newly formed heap and all.  We got back to the truck and he took off his camo, and there it was in all its glory dripping off his back, TP, corn and all (why is it there's ALWAYS corn in it, and would this have constituted hunting over bait?)

I made him ride down the mountain in the bed of the truck.  He stayed mad at me for quite a while over that, but there was NO WAY he was bringing his sewage covered self into my truck cab.

I had a cousin do almost  the same thing. He came out of the bushes missing the rear bib of his overalls.  He said when he realized what he had done he just cut them off with his knife and left em laying right there.

[OldSchool]

This is a great thread Nick. I haven't laughed as hard as I have reading some of these stories in a long time.

Bob

[PEHunter]

I tried reading some of these last night while I watched my 7 year old's karate class, but couldn't do it. I finally just had to quit reading until I could get home and laugh my head off.  Great stories!!!

[jtoliver43]

I was hunting on a logging road in some very swampy bottomlands in eastern NC a few years ago. I was walking down the road trying to strike a gobble... finally got a bird to sound off so I sat against a tree. After only a few minutes of sitting, out of no where I felt a heavy thump in my lap. I looked down and a half eaten bull frog was sitting in my crouch. I looked up and an osprey was circling back around in search of its meal that it just dropped. All the commotion ended up getting me busted by the tom that had closed in fast.

[wvmntnhick]

I was walking into the woods during pre-dawn light with a buddy of mine. He's killed numerous birds on this particular piece of ground. I'd asked him if he'd been up there to scout the place recently and he said that he'd not but had killed enough birds there to know where they'd be. And, knowing of his good fortune there in the past, I went along. As we neared the place he said, "they must have had some strong winds. Look at the tree tops laying here." I kept my mouth shut for what was about to happen. As it was breaking daylight and he was gathering his things to get started, all I heard was, "Well, @&$#!" I got a good hearted chuckle about it. You see, neither he nor I live close enough to the hunting club to scout it regularly. We just go up there and hunt it as we've done in the past. He'd hunted this place in the past without me as I could only get up there maybe twice a year. He knew the place well. When we'd go, he'd always have a plan drawn up before we'd get there and there was generally a level of success. Unfortunately, having talked to my buddy that lives and works in that area, I'd already had my suspicions that things could be bad. You see, the hunting club we belong to is owned by a timber company and managed by the club. The club has no say over what the timber company wants to do. As it broke daylight, the chunk of ground that my buddy had killed a bird on almost every year since he'd started hunting the place had been timbered. And I mean timbered. There were a total of 6 trees left on that entire chunk of land. The good news was that if a bird decided to gobble there, he'd have been real easy to locate. I couldn't help but chuckle a bit. To add salt to an open wound, he called a bird in not long after at a different location. Needless to say, that bird lived to see another day. It was all a bit disheartening at the time but looking back now, it's much easier to laugh at it.

[chcltlabz]

I was hunting on a logging road in some very swampy bottomlands in eastern NC a few years ago. I was walking down the road trying to strike a gobble... finally got a bird to sound off so I sat against a tree. After only a few minutes of sitting, out of no where I felt a heavy thump in my lap. I looked down and a half eaten bull frog was sitting in my crouch. I looked up and an osprey was circling back around in search of its meal that it just dropped. All the commotion ended up getting me busted by the tom that had closed in fast.

Never had that happen with an osprey, but while bowhunting I've had eagles drop fish in the woods around me.  a 2 pound catfish makes a heck of a thump from 50 yards up.  I'm glad they never hit me.

That reminds me of one funny goose hunting story though.  We were hunting Alberta, and got on a great Cackler hunt one morning.  We were getting close to a limit, so on the final toll, we all took one goose.  I wanted a nice chocolate colored bird for a mount, so I picked one out in front of me and dumped him.  It was one of those helicopter birds that was slowly spinning to the ground and I was watching him all the way down.  I didn't even see the bird someone else shot as it landed in my lap, square on the goods.  Knocked me clean out of the layout blind, and I laid there dry heaving, listening to everyone else laugh and laugh.  Luckily it was the last hunt of the week, because I had trouble walking the rest of the day.

[Neill_Prater]

Though not funny at the time, I was hunting Kansas in the afternoon many years ago. I knew there were birds in the area, so sat up along the edge of a field and started doing some blind calling. Maybe an hour into the hunt, I see two toms coming in from my right, maybe a couple of hundred yards away. They were taking their time, but kept a steady pace as they approached the unseen "hen", as I had no decoy out. They would stop every so often and periscope, then start marching my way again.

I eased my gun up on my knee, keeping the sight on the lead bird. When he stopped and stuck his head up at what I thought was probably 35 yards or so, I squeezed off the shot and he went down like a ton of bricks. It was only upon standing up that I realized my error. Sitting there so long, I had lost all sense of distance, and when I stood up, the flopping bird, now with his head up and trying to regain his footing, looked like he was a football field away!

I took off running, and after closing the distance a bit, decided to throw some more lead his way, but when I pulled the trigger, nothing happened! I began running again and frantically worked the action on my 11-87 and stopped maybe 30 yards from the bird, which by now had begun to recover, took careful aim, and pulled the trigger only to hear a deafening "click". In the excitement of clearing the jam, I had inadvertently shucked the shells out into the pasture, now probably 40 or 50 yards behind me. No problem, just remain calm and poke another shell into the chamber and finish this. Right? Good plan, until I realized my extra shells were in my vest, which was lying on the ground way back yonder!

The turkey, had, by now, begun to lose all patience regarding these proceedings and was on his feet desperately trying to determine an exit strategy. I charged ahead, and began chasing him. Fortunately, he was injured enough he couldn't get up to full speed, and was running and flopping around in a big circle. After about 3 or 4 laps, I gained enough on him to whack him with the gun barrel, which stunned him just enough to get a foot on his neck. I have often wondered what someone passing by on the nearby road would have thought if they had witnessed the whole episode.

I learned two valuable lessons that day. One, stick out some range markers when setting up on a field, and, two, always carry an extra shell in your right pants pocket. You know, just in case.

[FullChoke]

This didn't actually happen on a hunt, but it is turkey related.

One day, my wife and I were at the local Home Big Box store. We went out and got in the car. I turned to her and said, "Honey, I'm a pretty good turkey caller." She said "You sure are." I said "Honey, I think I am a fantastic turkey caller." She said " You sure think so." I said "I believe that I can make any turkey gobble, as a matter of fact, I'm covinced that I can a man gobble," pointing at a random guy loading 2x4s into his truck in front of the store. She said " Really??"

I rolled the window down, pulled up next to him and yelped at him with my mouth. He broke into a triple gobble without hesitation. I waved, rolled up the window and pulled away. She ain't said nothing. When I finally turned and looked at her, her mouth was still hanging open. I said "Told you I was good."

It was Preston Pittman.

[hotspur]

One morning had a buddy hear a gobble in a bottom and he goes to set up, so I move up hill and call. A tom gobbles at the top of the hill, sorry bud  ow u are on your own, so I move in to the hill top and call to the hill gobbler. He gobbles good but not getting  closer, I move up a little, call some more  a d now he is gobbling moving back and forth not getting g closer, I try to reposition a d I see a light through the trees don't tell me, it can't be, yep there's a fence call a little and he gobbles behind the fence moving along its length back and forth  dang tame turkey . I didn't  know the area it was buds hunting. Lease

[TrackeySauresRex]

This didn't actually happen on a hunt, but it is turkey related.

One day, my wife and I were at the local Home Big Box store. We went out and got in the car. I turned to her and said, "Honey, I'm a pretty good turkey caller." She said "You sure are." I said "Honey, I think I am a fantastic turkey caller." She said " You sure think so." I said "I believe that I can make any turkey gobble, as a matter of fact, I'm covinced that I can a man gobble," pointing at a random guy loading 2x4s into his truck in front of the store. She said " Really??"

I rolled the window down, pulled up next to him and yelped at him with my mouth. He broke into a triple gobble without hesitation. I waved, rolled up the window and pulled away. She ain't said nothing. When I finally turned and looked at her, her mouth was still hanging open. I said "Told you I was good."

It was Preston Pittman.

Right On! 

[tomstopper]

This didn't actually happen on a hunt, but it is turkey related.

One day, my wife and I were at the local Home Big Box store. We went out and got in the car. I turned to her and said, "Honey, I'm a pretty good turkey caller." She said "You sure are." I said "Honey, I think I am a fantastic turkey caller." She said " You sure think so." I said "I believe that I can make any turkey gobble, as a matter of fact, I'm covinced that I can a man gobble," pointing at a random guy loading 2x4s into his truck in front of the store. She said " Really??"

I rolled the window down, pulled up next to him and yelped at him with my mouth. He broke into a triple gobble without hesitation. I waved, rolled up the window and pulled away. She ain't said nothing. When I finally turned and looked at her, her mouth was still hanging open. I said "Told you I was good."

It was Preston Pittman.

Right On! 

 

[Muskie03]

My buddy set up to close to a bald Eagles nest and when the sun rose they started dive bombing  his deeks. So he moved, fell asleep mid morning  and awoke to the farmer spraying fert and dousing his deeks with a good coat!

[OldSchool]

This didn't actually happen on a hunt, but it is turkey related.

One day, my wife and I were at the local Home Big Box store. We went out and got in the car. I turned to her and said, "Honey, I'm a pretty good turkey caller." She said "You sure are." I said "Honey, I think I am a fantastic turkey caller." She said " You sure think so." I said "I believe that I can make any turkey gobble, as a matter of fact, I'm covinced that I can a man gobble," pointing at a random guy loading 2x4s into his truck in front of the store. She said " Really??"

I rolled the window down, pulled up next to him and yelped at him with my mouth. He broke into a triple gobble without hesitation. I waved, rolled up the window and pulled away. She ain't said nothing. When I finally turned and looked at her, her mouth was still hanging open. I said "Told you I was good."

It was Preston Pittman.

I would have paid money to have been able to watch that.

Bob

[Happy]

Many years ago I when I was a young and single pup I was working with a guy who had moved up this way from Baltimore. Rich had killed a few deer and had gotten started bowhunting. I started talking turkey hunting with and definitely had his interest. Well season came in and it was on. I took a bird the first day I had free to hunt and called a bird in for 6 year old the next. Unfortunately the young man missed but his dad and him are hunting them to this day. Well all this action had old Rich just dying to give it a try. So one Friday after work he pulled me aside and asked if I would take him on a hunt and show him the ropes of this turkey hunting stuff. I agreed and told him when and where to meet. Well that morning we met and he jumped in my truck and off we went. A good brisk mile walk had us at our listening spot on a high ridge with a PowerLine running through it. I had heard two birds back there before season and if they sounded off I felt it was our best chance for him. When daylight broke we were rewarded with silence on our end. However on top of a ridge  way off behind us I could hear a couple birds and they were fired up! We had a good breeze coming our way and I know that's the only reason I heard them. I adjusted my vest and slipped my shotgun sling over my head and looked at him. " You ready? " I asked him. Rich looked back across the valley and up that long ridge and said "you gotta be #$!!& me" to which I replied "nope". Well off we went down into the valley and we began our ascent up the mountain. About a quarter of the way up I knew we were in trouble. Rich was a two pack a day smoker and let's just say he wasn't the kind of guy to see the inside of a gym. Stopping to let him catch up I reached in the back of my vest and pulled out a gatorade. Well he got up to me and drained that sucker like he had been in the Sahara for three days. Well he was still game so on we went. A half hour later we were at the top. He had drank my other gatorade and now had my shotgun. I had given him mine about halfway up because he didn't have a sling on his. He was drenched in sweat and looked pretty rough but he was still in it and determined to get his bird. Well luck was on our side (at least to this point) and a quick crow call pinpointed those birds and off we went. I knew right were I wanted to set up. A quick walk through the woods and a few pauses to wait for Rich and we were there. Sitting him at the base of a large oak I gave him his final instructions. " those birds are about 100 yards out in front and slightly to your right. They should come down this logging road and when they come into view they are in range". Let them come a bit if they will but try not to let them any closer than twenty yards." He nodded and got my gun up on his knee and I snuck back about 15 yards and laying his gun on my lap I started calling. In no time those birds fired up and were on their way. It worked perfectly, the three Tom's rounded the bend of the logging road and it was a beautiful sight. I had the perfect view as the Tom's strutted right down his gun barrel. At thirty yards I clucked on the mouth call and they stopped and gobbled but Rich didn't shoot. "OK" I thought "he wants them closer". Well closer is what he got. I stopped them again at twenty. Still no shot. Well those toms got right in his lap. The nearest one is mere feet from his gun barrel and I can't hold back anymore. "Shoot!" I hissed at him. This brings the Tom's to full alert and then I notice the gun barrel dip down twice. The turkeys noticed also specially the one that was only about three feet from the end of the barrel. Well they didn't go for that and bugged out. As they were nervously walking away and putting my old buddy Rich worked the action and really got the birds to moving. He never did fire a shot and I heard some of the most artistic cussing coming from him as a laid back and just rolled with laughter. I had been working for several years on construction sights and I thought I had heard about everything there is to hear but this man put on a performance for the ages. Finally getting to my feet I walked over and discovered the culprit. In the heat of the action, Rich had somehow bumped the slide release and the pump slid down just enough to keep the gun from firing. If he would have just quickly slid it forward we would have had his first bird but he didn't know that so his alternative was to work the action. He was pulling on the trigger so hard that was what was Making   the barrel dip. Well on that very long walk back to the truck I got to listen to him rant about his luck and how he couldn't feel various parts of his anatomy because of all the walking and climbing. It was hilarious! Finally reaching tell truck I just casually asked if he wanted to try it again the following weekend. He just glared at me and said " I really like you but you are one sadistic "#$!!*$ if you think that doing all that for that level of disappointment is fun." We still laugh about that but he has never hunted with me since. He still turkey hunts though so I guess all is good.