Valentine's day is fast approaching. You can't go to any retail store without seeing hearts and candy in red wrappers this time of year. 3 little words are tossed around like yesterday's junk mail... "I love you". How long has it been since you took a good look at what your wife means to you? How you treat her? How you show love for her? Here's a single verse that is the focus of today's devotional:
1 Peter 3:7 (New Living Translation)
Husbands
7 In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God's gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.
The King James version refers to wives being a "weaker vessel". This has been misconstrued over the years by both chauvinistic men and feminist women.
Have you ever watched the Antiques Roadshow? You know the story, we found this in the attic of our elderly aunt who passed away. We're not sure how much it is worth, but we have always enjoyed looking at it. The vase above sold at auction for over $69 million dollars! Yeah! What in the world would make something that just holds flowers worth that much? Some of the selling points of this piece are the specific maker, the origin of the vase and the fine materials from which it is made. So how does it all apply to the verse above? I'm glad you asked.
The first word we will look more closely at here is "honor". Here is what Webster had to say about honor:
hon•or
verb \?ä-n?r\
transitive verb
1
a : to regard or treat (someone) with admiration and respect : to regard or treat with honor b : to give special recognition to : to confer honor on
In order to give honor, we must recognize value. The vase above sat on a bookshelf in a home in England. It was later moved to a dusty corner in an attic. It had once been appraised as a clever reproduction. How often have we as husbands treated our wives like a "clever reproduction"? Do you think the buyer of that vase put it back in the dusty attic? Highly unlikely. Once the value was discovered, it was likely given a place of prominence in the buyer's home or gallery.
Next, lets take a look at the word "understanding". Can you understand something without thinking about it? Evaluating it? Investigating it? Fellas, we need to take the time to understand our wives. We need to take the time to get to know our wives. This is where we will find value in order to give honor to them. I know, somebody is reading this thinking "you don't know MY wife". I'm telling you, if you come across with that mindset, chances are good that YOU don't know your wife. Been there, done that, don't want to go back for seconds.
Paul tells us that we are to love our wives like Christ loved the church and gave himself up (died) for it. That means we are to be selfless. How do we do that? Lay down "me" and "my" and begin to learn more about what makes your wife tick. What would she do if she had a day to herself with no responsibilities? What would she have for dinner if budget and preparation were not a concern? It goes way deeper than this, but it's a start. When you begin to make the effort to ask and observe what scores positive value points with your wife, you will be on the right track. Just remember that a track is a means of getting to a destination, not a destination in and of itself.
Next let's think about the word weaker. We already established that this word has been taken out of context over the years. The word "weaker" has been misconstrued as being of lesser value. That's not the case. God made the original wife, Eve, as a helper, a companion, one to compliment and complete Adam. Marriage is to be a "symbiotic" relationship – a relationship of mutual benefit or dependence. Often marriage is treated as a "parasitic" relationship – a relationship where one party benefits while the other is harmed. I know, our first thoughts are how our spouse drains the life out of us at times... but what prompts that? Too frequently, as a marriage goes on, we tend to take our wives for granted. We often desire and demand the "fringe benefits" of the marital relationship, but balk at the sacrifices that we need to make to keep the "home fires burning". Anyone ever hear this phrase from their spouse? "I feel like an object, not a person." Note to self... if you hear this phrase from your spouse, take immediate action to truthfully examine your relationship. Left unchecked, it's going nowhere good.
Finally, this verse tells us to treat our wives as we should, so that our prayers will not be hindered. So, how should we treat our wives? Back to the vase... how would that vase hold up if we used it to catch our used oil from an oil change? How long would it maintain its value if we put it in the dishwasher? The vase pictured was made in the 1500's. It hasn't lasted this long by being mistreated. You've heard the term "trophy wife". I'm telling you folks, if you have a wife, she better be your trophy wife. We need to purposely find beauty in our wives. Even if she will never be found on the cover of "Vogue" or be crowned Miss America... there is beauty to be found. Think about what first attracted you to her and start there. Do you still see that sparkle in her eyes? Do you still hear that silly laugh that used to melt you in your tracks? If not, why not? Take the time to rediscover your wife. It doesn't mean you have to give her lavish gifts or take exotic trips. Just take the time to put everything else aside for a while and focus on the woman you are married to. Get to know her again. Make an effort to spend time with her with no intentions of going "horizontal". You will likely be amazed at the response you get by taking the time to make your wife feel valued, honored, loved. When we begin to make these kinds of efforts, when we truly begin to honor and cherish the helper that God gave us, we will find that our prayers will be more effective. Check the verse, I didn't make it up. Why? Recognizing the value of our wives and beginning to honor them requires getting ourselves out of the spotlight. Our focus must shift from "me" and "my" to seeking God's help in cultivating a relationship that He ordained. No doubt it requires effort, time and refocusing. Take the time, you won't regret it. You may rediscover a treasure that has been right under your nose.
