Got this off another site and thought everyone here might enjoy it and most likely relate to it.
Guys, it's time to get ready for turkey season if you haven't already started.
1: First off, practice sitting in the most awkward position you can think of and stay that way until you entire left leg falls asleep.
2: Next, get the best pair of noise cancelling earmuffs you can afford, go stand in the woods from first light until an hour or so after sunrise. This will approximate what you will experience opening morning when not a single bird for miles around will sound off, despite hordes of them gobbling every morning for the last two weeks.
3: Get one of you buddies to help with this one. Both of you should sit under a tree on opposite ends of your backyard. Spend an hour playing the sweetest most seductive hen calls you can muster. At the end of the hour you should stand up and stretch, and your buddy, having sat silently for the last hour, should jump up and run the other way, alarm-putting on his call as frantically as he can.
4: Every time you leave the house, forget to bring your wallet with you. The frustration you feel when the neighborhood cop pulls you over will very closely match your emotions when you open your vest in the field on opening day (fifteen miles from home) and can't find your box of shells (decoy, calls, facemask etc).
5: Go to a local turkey farm and ask them to let you practice on your call in one of the gobbler pens. You should take the time to enjoy and appreciate the only day of the season in which the gobblers respond so lustily to your skill in calling. By the way, the birds on the turkey farm will also gobble back and run towards you when you either; forget to load a shell and have to work the action of your pump gun, drop your box call, or sneeze (so forget any big ideas you have about entering the local turkey calling contest).
6: Carefully place your brand new $375 NWTF banquet auction box call on the drivers seat of your truck, then open the door, jump in, and crush it irreparably.
Hope this helps you guys get off to a good start on your season
