Just thought why not start a new game. Each person replies with a sentence following the sentence before hand to compile a fun hunting story.We will all write a hunting story together. It may not go over well but I thought we could see how long we can make the story last. I will start it in the next post. Everybody join in and let's have some fun.
I was already wide awake when the alarm started its continuous wake up beep.
I hit it once and went back to sleep
And to think , that's probably why I don't ever kill a turkey.
I started feeling the first chill in the morning which reminded me of last year.
The anticipation was almost un bearable as the coffee pot gurgle to life dispensing it's first drops into the pot.
But first I had to do my morning pre-hunt paperwork
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It was rougher than usual , I think mainly because of the bean burritos from last night.
Looking for my truck keys where did i put them. I don't want to be late for opening morning.
Found my keys, imagine that, in my pocket where I put them! Jumped in the truck, backed out of the driveway and spilled my coffee all over my lap!
I just knew I was bound to have 3rd degree burns , but I would deal with that later , after all it was opening day.
On my way to my favorite ridge, forgot my shells and had to go back to the house.
Opening day is a disaster! That box of shells is sitting beside the coffee pot.
Since I am back at the house, might as well do the second round of paperwork...
Ok, I'm all set now and back on the road. I get back to the property and now there's a truck parked where I was going to hunt.
So I put the truck in 4 low and just crawled right on passed em.
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I recognize the truck by all the "pro staff this" and "pro staff that" stickers on the back window, as the same one from last season.
Seeing the "flextone" graphic with the grinning pic of Waddell, I now knew what to with that stupid gift pack of calls the now ex-wife gave me for Christmas.
i just knew with a professional turkey guy parked here that i would be all over birds and just maybe i wouldn't even have to call , after all this is public land and i am entitled to hunt here same as he.
Sure enough, there is one old bird hammering on the opposite side of the road. Still on the roost...
Unfortunately, he's on private ground and I don't possess the ninja skills I had 20 years ago.
So, I gather up my gear and venture onto the public ground to my "guaranteed secret, nobody else will be there spot" - blowing air into my Avian hen decoy as I go.
Put to much air in the decoy and it exploded with a loud POP!
Which made a gobbler hammer on the next ridge over where I have never heard a bird gobble before.
Pissed that my X blew up. But thankful I still have my trusty squealin hen still in my pocket.
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Just then got another stomach pain. Man! Those bean burritos are kickin!
Waves of pain are setting in like contractions, cold beads of sweat starting to form on my forehead and I'm praying I stuck some paper towels in my cargo pockets!
Shew... Found some. Although not Brawny. This will have to do.
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So I find the perfect fallen tree, I drop my drawers, sit on it, lean my gun against another tree, and look up to see a gobbler staring at me!! :o :o :o
I just shook my head and thought... Man this is going to be a long day.
And then it got worse...
without warning a rumble in my gut caused me to lose control and my brand new pair of mossy oak bottomland pants was saturated , most likely they would never be the same.
Good thing it was brown in color rather than the dreaded red, white blue or black thats taboo in the turkey hunting woods.
Luckily I carry an extra pair of pants in my vest. Not the first time this has happened.
All the while the gobbler on the ridge was still thundering. But my bowels were making a thunder of there own on this one.
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It seemed with every air of flatulence I echoed off the ridge, this bird answered with a litany of gobbles. Had I found a new undiscovered turkey call?
It seemed as if he was falling in love with this new "fighting purr."
thank goodness a turkey cant smell I thought to myself , all the while the bird doubled and tripled gobbled at the escaping gas.
Then I realized this wasn't just a downed tree it was a home made blind with a father and son in it!
Who knew they could be so quiet with the exhibit I just put on?
I was embarrassed and apologized - explaining it was not an intentional invasion on their set up, and I hoped they wouldn't question my ethics as I quickly gathered myself and continued out the ridge.
As i was headed up the ridge i noticed i had lost my cell phone. What a morning.
But who was I going to call and what was I going to say, "I just $haT myself!!!!
For a good bit. I thought I was gonna have to call 911 and be airlifted from the scene of this crime.
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The wife is almost 9 months pregnant and i have got to fine that cell phone. Here i go back down the ridge. Man those turkeys are still gobbling.
I arrive back to the place where disaster struck only to find the kid in the blind playing games on my phone
All of a sudden waddell appears from behind a tree. With a brand new string of catch phrases. A fist fight follows!!!
the gobblers hear the ruckus and are firing off un controllably , they must think that the hens are really throwing down.
Sounds like all of them are rolling down the opposite side of the ridge. Why am i on the wrong side again. This is a loosing fight.
Just then I get a text from my buddy, two birds are strutting in the field next to his house
By that time Waddell gets up beaten and bloody from the whooping he just got.
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He offers a ride to the new location but I decline as I can't seem to bring myself to jump into the decal covered motor machine.
I look him in the eye, and give him my best Chris Brackett "BOOYAH!" and head to my buddy's house to check out the strutters in the field.
I rush over there only to find out that they'd moved on and are no longer gobbling at all.
As i'm coming to my feet from that big ruckus and feeling like i was in a UFC fight. I grab my stuff and was headed back across the field and notice i was wearing a funny turkey vest with all these flextone game calls. Why does this vest say Freak Nasty ?
Ooooh no. My belly is churning again. I won the brawl but my left eye is swollen shut.
I hope Waddell left some toilet paper somewhere in the Freak Nasty vest. Man my eye is really swollen and my rear is feeling raw. What kind of jake decoy is this it looks like my crap.
It's quitting time so I head back to the truck only to find one of my tires flat.
O no...the spare is flat, as i'm walking out i hear a turkey gobble should i try and roost him ?
He is on some land that I know I'm not supposed to be on, but what the heck, this day can't get much worse!
I reach into my newly acquired freak nasty vest and pull out some wire cutters (as much as Waddy trespasses i knew he had some) and cut the fence to make it easier to step across.
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That first 200 yards past the property line is the grey area. Into the grey area I go...
It's safe to say I wasn't sure where the line was, even if you crossed or cut the fence.
I hear someone clear their throat , and hear " hey boy , this here is private land". out from behind some trees step two bigger than average men , wearing overalls and sporting long scraggly beards.
They motion towards a fallen tree and mumble something about me squeeling like a hen??
It's at this moment that I wish I would've just counted my losses on a horrible turkey hunt and went home.
As I turn to retrace my steps back to the public ground, a herd of snorting bulls have responded to the buritto challenge I've been flatulating, have moved between me and the fence, and are increasing their pace as they come toward me!
Now crap, i'm going to have to swim the lake to get away from all these bulls. I sure hope my new freaky nasty turkey vest is waterproof. With my gun on my back and loaded with Federal HW 7 I new i was still in the hunt for that gobbler. Listen can you hear him gobbling which direction did he gobble ?
Yep, he's still on the same ridge that he's been on since he flew down this morning. If I could only see him I would fan him in!
I quickly formulate a plan and dive into the lake. Using the freak nasty vest as my raft. And the funky chicken as my ore. "Aren't these products the best" I think to myself.
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As i made it across the lake and was trying to put the vest on i notice something was shaking inside the vest. O My Lord it was a big freaky nasty cotton mouth snake. I wonder if i can call him out with this magnum thunder turkey call ?
i manage to throw the cotton mouth about 50 yards without getting bit , then I hear a load shout coming from a foot bridge 30 yards away " there he is"!!. its the same 2 guys. turned out if I would have walked 50 yards west , I would have saw the bridge , I swam 200yards and could have stayed dry and walked 100 and end up at the same place.
Wet, tired and frustrated I face these two angry men.
One says your about to get some freak nasty boy.
Little do they know I have the funky chicken ...
I told them that I would give them this very special turkey vest and everything in it if they would just let me go after that gobbling turkey
Little did they know i was lying about giving up my new special freak nasty turkey vest. See us hunter don't always tell the truth. No way i was giving up my vest, i've still not look in all the pockets. As i was getting ready to use the funny chicken like a hickory stick in the Walking Tall movie here comes that herd of bulls running across the bridge. Its was time for plan B .. see all of us turkey hunters have more than one plan of action.
So I thought, what would Obama do?
I was thinking it was time to call out the National Guard, but i really didn't want anyone else going after my gobbling turkey.. O.. look in this pocket it's a bottle of water and energy bar.
Time for a quick snack and then run like hell!!
I guess all this happening peaked the gobbler's interest. As now he has came in to investigate and is setting two hundred yards from us on the limb watching the show.
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After a drink and reenergized, I ninja like pulled out the funky chicken and slammed him stake and all in the ground yelling SHACKALACKA BOOM
I said would you just look at that...just look at him
Funky chicken don't care...
He just stands there on his stake in the sun all day while freak nasty long beards like yourselves come up and try to stab him with 6 inch daggers.
Would you look at that ...
Just look at him...
Funky chicken don't care...
You'll have to whip him first to get to me.
Both men turned away knowing they couldn't beat him down.
He is made by flextone ...
As i was making my blind a pocket on my vest is vibrating, what is this a cell phone with flextone game call sounds and it's going gobble , gobble, gobble is this legal. Who cares if it's the CEO of flextone game calls. Man it's got this gobbler fired up..
Oh hell, it's Waddell on the phone and he is wanting his stuff back! Time for some selfies!
Turning to face the thundering herd of bulls I was determined to show that obnoxious gobbler that he was facing a man among men. Not any part time novelty hunter. A man who would face anything for the chance to put some pellets in his wrinkled noggin.
As the Bulls get closer I notice that the lead bull looks nothing like the others. "Wait, that's not a bull but a Big Bill. Bill Busbice the president of Wild Game Innovations that is.
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The lead bull himself. He's got a crossbow in one hand and a beer in the other.
He just looks mean
Could this be the people from swamp people, i hope not all they want is a tree shaker. Man that gobbler has that big oak tree shaking. Looks like they have the smokey baby decoy with them.
Surely there is something in this thunder chicken, gobbler getter, freak nasty extreme vest I can make use of. What's this? A hidden compartment? Let's see what we have here...
Ah it's bracket up to his tricks again. It's a white turkey thug bag from Walmart draped over a football with a real head in the breeding position.
That's not a beer Busbice has in his hand, it apple cider! He scared me so bad I had to use my "Corn Cob Striker".
Big Bill doesn't look happy at all. If only someone could translate his slobbering gibberish.
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After all this I finally get set up on this bird...
OK. Game on! With bill passed out and troy landry claiming he weighs 56lbs and with what appears to be locust thorns hanging off his legs. I notice he ''the bird'' is getting hoarse from the 13 hours of continuous gobbling. While waiting for him to close the distance I find turkey throat spray in the freak vest! Toss it out by the crippled jake or whatever that thing is and flick the safety off! Its about to get real, real quick.
Scanning the terrain with my eyes and not moving a muscle I know he is close. I am ready. I have my hecs suit on, the latest and greatest supreme turkey Wacker 2000 choke tube and a magazine full of 3 Oz loads of #16 tssxxs shot. Puts 693 in the ten at 87 yards with enough knockdown power for a brontosaurous. Just let that obnoxious turkey flap one waddle in my direction. I am about to blow his snood clean off. Do you feel lucky Mr turkey? Do ya?
I hear the humming sound I just know that old big boy Is drumming and close. oh shat , I done plopped down next to a hornets nest and they aint happy . the humming is their displeasure of me being on top of their nest.
Oh crap! That burrito is kicking in. Might be time for some chemical warfare on these hornets. Hate to gamble on this one tho...
I poke the nest with the turkey whacker 2000 and point to passed out bill. And in cartoon arrow fashion they head right to him!
I got stung by a number of hornets and I let out a scream...and that darn gobbler shock gobbled back at me!!!
That throat spray bait must be working. I think he's getting closer!
the gobbler eased closer but still out of sight , gobbling al the way , but just when I thought it was going to happen, 3 hens stroll by headed straight to him.
...The hens caught sight of me and spooked, while I was trying to scrape the hornets poison sacs off of me.
As i'm raising my binoculars up scanning the field i see some one waving at me from across the field. It's a big guy with Bone Collector on his camo shirt. Why that's T Bone and he has one of those CanCooker in his hands and a pellet gun. After watching youtube last night i sure wish i had a CanCooker.
Well , I thought , day one down and a month and a half to go. I will get that old bird but it will be tomorrow. Drove home and let's get ready for day 2.
Pulled into my driveway and my wife almost passed out when she saw and smelled me. Not to worry baby , I will get him tomorrow.
Day 2. Second day of season with about 40 to go.
Man that can't be the alarm clock going off again. I'm so sore from yesterday. What camo am i wearing today my favorite ones are all dirty and soiled. Not much sleep at all last night the wife being 9 months pregnant tossed all night.
I trip over my old dog Blue who is sleeping next to the bed and I scream out "...
Blues howl startles me and I jump trying to keep my balance , when my big toe drives into the corner of my night stand.
After all of this will my snake boots still fit. My toe is hurting so bad. Thank goodness i bought a new pair that are waterproof. Looks like old Blue is back sleeping. Time to get the coffee pot going, that first sip of coffee is so good. Were did my wife put my yeti cup ?
Found my Yeti cup. It was placed inside my Yeti Hopper that was conveniently stashed inside my certified grizzly proof Yeti cooler. Filled the cup and I'm almost ready for the road.
After a couple sips of coffee, time for some paperwork.
I wonder if anyone will notice my yeti sticker on the back glass of my truck. I just love yeti stickers. This spare tire my friend had feels out of round can't get over 50 mile air, this is going to be a long drive.
What's that, gobble, gobble, gobble, I wish Waddell would stop calling his phone.
Me and Waddell talk for a few and both agree to go our seperate ways to avoid a conflict like yesterday. Waddy says he has a bird roosted and plans to slip up and shoot him out of the tree anyway.
Driving down the road, day dreaming about yesterday's gobbler and the can cooker, almost missed my hunting spot.
My butts still raw, hope I can tolerate sitting down. Wow this freak nasty turkey vest has a built in massage, and heater! And what's this,
You have got to be kidding , inside this freak nasty vest was a inflatable turkey lounger. Man I feel like a straight up turkey thug.
As i'm sitting in my turkey thug chair i notice it has this pull cord and it said pull cord for emergency only. I couldn't resist and i pull the cord and out pops a Primos double bull blind with Primos himself. All dressed in mossy oak greenleaf.
It scares me so bad that I had a repeat of yesterday's misfortune. Yep , you guessed it . Second pair of pants in 2 days . Good thing I packed some turkey thug obsession depends . Gaureenteed leak proof.
At this point, I can't stand to sit beside myself! Now that I have my camo depends on, what direction was that last bird I heard?
Primos said wait a minute, let me call Brad and see if he knows which way this turkey is headed. Come on Primos i've been hunting 2 days in a row and i can't wait no longer. IS THIS THE TRUTH did you really call Brad for help?
After the phone call he mumbels something about calling in a true professional and wonders of through the woods while texting, and suddenly and parachute appears
My phone starts vibrating and it a text from my buddy John doe. He killed a good bird this morning. I ask him what call he used and he replied his new Waddall Wacker triple Reed mouth call with a t bone cut from flextone.
Just about that time 2 pretty blonds stop on the side of the field and said MISTER just back up the road in that hay field we saw 2 huge man all dressed in camo crawling on all fours with 2 turkey fans attached on their rear end and trying to slip up on this jake out in the field. I ask the girls is this a dumb blond joke.
Oh no. I recognized one of the blondes , it's Tiffany, should have known the way she kept saying I believe one of the men was cuz Strickland and he had a bbd.
Little did she know i'm a turkey killing machine i have the confidences to kill every turkey i see and hear. To get a great turkey you have to pass on the jakes. But little did she know i can beat the odds with being creative and aggressive with making turkey noises. I'm one of the most skilled woodman she has ever seen. I have the tools to get the job done today with my new freak nasty turkey vest and my 20 gauge 870 youth model with a 42 in barrel and 4 in. shells i know with these tools i'm a killing machine no turkey can rest tom or jake. Was that a gobble just them back across the field ?
I cut across the wide open field knowing my hec suite will keep me invisible. By the time I get to the other side the bird has quit gobbling naturally. It's ok , I pulled out my trusty mad calls dog whistle. I blow so hard that it feels like my one good eye is going to pop out.
This time i have a secret weapon with me a piece of plastic with a bottom of a can on this slate call. I bought this call off ebay because a friend of mine said it was the best slate call ever made. it's called Lohman Thunderdome slate call. i paid just over 200 dollars for this one of a kind call. As i made that first turkey sound on this secret weapon, i heard a cow across the field moo and a squirrel chatter in the oak tree above my head. Man this call is a secret weapon, i've got everyone talking. Was that a gobble again or a car horn ?
Made no difference to me because as I looked up in the direction the parachute came down, your not going to believe who I saw walking towards me dressed in full turkey gear.
Was it Eddie Salter turkey man himself with his Down N Dirty V Cut diaphragm call ? You know he's a turkey hunting legend.
Was it the down and dirty boys with the Haint gobble call??
I didn't stick around to see. Sick of all these celebrities hunting on my public land. Thought of a place up the road and headed that way. Maybe I can get away from the crowd.
Get there only to find 7 vehicles parked in a small lot only large enough to hold 4. Figured what the heck and jumped out anyway. Probably should've waited for the truck to come to a complete stop but I'll worry about that later. I could see the old gobbler strutting on the distant ridge already from the road.
On my way to get set up on that big old gobbler I step in a pile of dog crap.
Not sure that dog crap was not from a coyote or a black panther. Reguardless i'm headed for that ridge with crap on my new snake boots. Man look at him strut and gobble.
Half way to where I plan on setting up I realize I forgot my gun in the truck.
To keep from wasting time and going back, I found a long stick and whittled the tip down to a fine point.
Woah!! While was whittling on the stick , a few squeaks came out and a bird double gobbled around a 100 yards.
Dropping the stick and my old hickory pocket knife in all of the excitement, i headed for that gobbler. Listen he just gobble again. Did you hear him? Man he's sounding off like he wants to make love.
In all this excitement I forgot to put the truck in park, and it roll off the hill smashing into a huge oak tree, and by the way a 30lb gobbler was roosting in it!
Should i put a decoy out or just wait for him to fly off the roost? Looks like i just mess up my yeti licence plate on this big oak tree and they said this yeti stuff is wildly stronger and grizzlies proof.
Uh oh. Conservation officer just pulled in and he is frowning about the damage my truck did to the tree.
I told the conservation officer you need to stop and look up in the tree just about that time the big gobbler did a double gobble and as i turn back around the officer was pulling out a 10 gauge remington shotgun and it had this high power spotting scope. Man this gun was called freak nasty number 2. What am i going to do ?
I put my hands on my head and calmly explained what happened. It was a honest mistake but he was angry , ranting on and on about me having to pay for the tree. Then automatic weapon fire came from up the road , he told me to stay put and he left with haste to go check it out. After his truck got out of sight , I figured I better call it a day. I sped home , thinking where I would start day 3.
As I sat at home pondering, I cracked open a couple cold ones and had me a big fat cigar.
Relaxing in my chair drink a cold one i start thinking about hunting strategies and how i'm going to hunt tomorrow. I think tomorrow i'm going to use clucking sounds, purrs, and a hen yelp. I have another secret weapon in my bag of tricks a squealing hen. I know this will get that big gobbler all fire up in the morning he will think it's breeding season for sure. Looking across the room i see old Blue is sleeping and the wife is in her chair snoring. Man i wish i could sleep like them during turkey season i'm just to excited.
My phone rings and I answer it. It's my brother in law bubba. He wants me to go to a piece of private land he has permission to hunt. It's a 100 acres between walmart and a high school bordered by the interstate. Says he has been hearing 18 different birds. I say ok and he is set to pick me up at 4am for the 20min. Ride downtown.
At 4:45 my brother-in-law rolls into the driveway; all bleary-eyed, disheveled, and smelling like the floor of the men's room from the local tavern.
After talking to Bubba, i'm think what gun any i going to use. I have this special made Yildiz 410 with night sights. You know hunting that close to Walmart we could stop at Lowe's and grab a few 2 x 4"s and i have that old army camo netting we could build a blind at the end of the field before daylight. You know i hope Bubba really did hear a bunch of turkeys and it wasn't someone in sporting good trying to find someone to check them out with a primos box call and a red wolf gobble tube.
Pull up and running late as usual. Bubba still smells like a brewery but he manages to stay awake. Step out of the truck , boy it's bright with all these city lights.
I asked Bubba who owns this property and gave him permission to hunt, and Bubba tells me he has no idea who actually owns it - but "ain't nobody done said we COULDN'T hunt here!"...
Besides, his girlfriend's daddy said it'd be alright and that was all the permission we needed.
I was all excited, Bubba said the evening before he saw several big black birds at the end of the field in a big hickory tree. As it was getting light i started looking thru my new WalMart spotting scope. I just could make the birds out, you guess it they started leaving the tree and circling over head it was a dam buzzard roost. I started smelling something and i look at Bubba he said WHAT i said when was the last time you took a bath. He said it's turkey season not time for a bath.
So I shrugged and nodded in agreement.
Just then I heard a faint shrill gobble. We grab our gear and Wade through the Briar patch. He is gobbling at every breath. We get to the back of the property and out of sight over a small Ridge the shrill gobbling continues. Me and bubba are covered in briars.i whisper let's low crawl up to the little rise and ambush the shrill voice Gobbler. We crawl ever so slow and blood from the scratches mixed with sweat is really burning. We eventually get to where we can peep over the ridge and you have to be kidding me. We are at the back of section 8 housing and there is a kid banging on a piece of tin with a ball bat. Dang sure sounds like a high pitched gobble.
So we borrowed the kids bat and piece of metal and ask him if he has seen any turkeys. We figured we could use the bat and metal as a new trick to throw at them birds.
Turns out the kid was beating on a trashcan lid to scare away the rats, and after "borrowing" it, Bubba scuffs that trashcan lid across the pavement and "conditions" the end of the ball bat in the sand; and when he drug the tip of that bat across the scuffed up lid...
It produced a Yelp so sweet that professional call makers are still trying to replicate it.
The music from the trash can call was sounding so sweet it had me dancing like John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever. Bubba said my new call is Trash Nasty its number 1 of 1
As we headed back to the woods, bubba made me swear on my life that I'd drop the whole "freak nasty" monicker forever as it was being over used by all the mass produced products already and I reluctantly agreed.
As we were headed over the ridge, we put a call into our friend Jim Dandy. Jim told us custom calls were a lot better than mass produced calls. Jim told us his best call is Jim Dandy to the rescue. Jim said he got his call from Black Oak Arkansas . This tree only grows in Arkansas.
I quickly ran next door to Walmart and picked up several different wooden bats to use as different strikers. I even picked up a aluminum bat for a rainy day striker. Bubba sat on the ground Indian style and laid the lid across the top of his knees and formed a awsome sound chamber. I picked up a dymond wood bat and commenced to making j hooks on the lid. Had a nice roll over with back end rasp you wouldn't believe.
Wasn't long until we struck a gobbler.
It's the second inning and we are at bat....that sounded like more than one gobbler...
By this time bubba is scratchin' his head,and says man it's time for a drank! So he wanders over to the 7-11 for a six pack of High Life, and a slim Jim.
Bubba and me were enjoying cold ones on the tailgate of his super duty S10 with overdrive if you kick it out of gear and just thinking how the day had been full of adventure. This old framer with a big beer belly pulled up and said boys you had and luck turkey hunting? We told the farmer how we had seen big black birds on a roost this morning and about the housing project and our trash can call. The old farmer said you need to come hunt on my 1000 ac. farm. We have one big turkey name John Deere you can hunt in the morning, he has a super charge of a gobble so after directions and a old map of the place we headed out for a night of rest and another morning running and gunning on John Deere.
On the way home Bubba say he's still thirsty, so we stop and pick a 12 pack this time.
About halfway home I noticed the game warden following us.
After talking to the game warden, Bubba decided it's time to give up drinking and go for the treatment of Alcoholism. I wonder if they have a treatment for the addiction of turkey hunting ? See Bubba sister is married to the game warden and she knows he has these turkey craving at the worst possible times.
Well, Bubba went off to rehab and I decided to check out this farmers 1000 acre farm. When I got there, turns out it was a llama farm.
They are a little stringy, but they should eat just fine! Depends on how the next hunt goes and how hungry I am....
After thinking about the past few days of hunting and seeing all these bulls with turkeys and now these Liama. I decided to go back to lowe's and get some sheets of plywood and make a couple of 4' x 8' silhouette turkey decoys with eye holes and a shooting ports and i will attach a picture in memory of Bubba while he's off for treatment. This will have to be the ultimate decoys for this 1000 ac. farm.
After seing all of the success fanning has had, and it's growing popularity. I thought "what could go wrong".
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After i introduced the turkey fan into the mix things turned in my favor as a big thunder storm came up and it started to rain. Hey this fan works in keep me dry. Did you hear that gobbler he sounded just like that thunder?
I think it's a gobble! I pulled out my trade can lid and used the aluminum ball bat all weather striker and made a few sweet yelps followed with a ear busting cutting. The cutting actually sounded like a kid banging on a trash can lid, but there it was , I'm certain , a gobble.
Running along the field edge i see a deep gully and a large creek. I'm thinking how can I use this trash can lid and the bat for sliding down the gully and floating across the creek. He's been gobbling for 15 min. he's one hot bird. I've got to kill this one i still have 3 tags left.
I was looking for my binoculars, cause I think I see Waddell, and T bone sneaking around the tree line under a cow costume, those sneaky Devils! Thinking how I can beat them to the gobbler, I devised a high tech plan, I hurled my ball bat striker in there direction, and it knocked poor old T bone out cold! Now I Gota say that was a dirty trick, but lucky me its one on one against this old war bird! And I just had another ideal, I still got Waddells phone, and I'll call his wife and tell her I seen him, and some blonde together! Boy when he gets home, the feathers are Gona fly!
crouching in the bushes , I see waddle answer his phone. he has a surprised look on his face and is waving his hand around. he is talking to his wife , I am sure and all the while trying to administer first aid to t bone. I slip on by un noticed and close the distance. then I hear what all turkey hunters dread. up ahead a IED explodes and the gobbler is gobbling no more.
I thought I recognized that farmer. Turns out it was Cliven Bundy. He was out of the cattle business and switched to llamas. And that 1000 acre "farm" he owned was actually government land owned by the ARMY that was really an impact zone for ordinance.
I started retracing my steps and came back up on wadell and t bone . I told them I saw everything . this cliven bundy character threw something and hit t bone square in the head , and I heard him dial information and get wadell's wifes phone number , and explained that is probably how everything went down. they bought it and stormed off madder than a wet hen to find mr. bundy and I hustled to my truck and was out of there.
As i was headed back to the truck i hear bird gobble in the next field. I start belly crawling up the fence row and see a big gobbler all fanned out and moving really funny. I raise my gun up Bam i shoot and this bird doesn't even flop, just falls over. People start hollowing, you idiot you just shot my MOBO GOBBLER TURKEY DECOY.
Startled I jumped up and was running as fast as I could away from the scene when I tripped over a old piece of barb wire fence. I did a nose dive right into a fresh cow patty. Boy did it leave a bad taste in my mouth.
Wow, i think i just invented new, bull patty camo makeup with texture and a snack. It's tongue licking good.
As I was getting up I heard another gobble, but it was only Waddel's phone ringing again....man that guy get's a lot of calls.
as I regained my feet and was wiping my face I heard someone yell "boo yah!!'. I knew immediately who this clown was.
Bracket then comes over and gives me crap about my shotgun and how he can shoot just as far with a bow.
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After inventing bull patty camo makup, i need to contact the guys at flextone game calls or Billy Bob teeth, he made millions from fake plastic teeth. I need a patent fast before Waddell see's my discovery. After going back to the truck, i have another secret weapon a potato gun cannon with truglo sights. It's the ultimate turkey gun. Bubba said the explosion from this would rock a turkey's chest into gobbling just like a big thunder storm. Man i need a game cart.