I'm taking a 12 year old girl this spring. My plan is for me to pattern with some "real' shells, then let her practice with light loads. Come hunting time, I'll load the "real' shells. With a live bird in front of her, she won't even notice the recoil!
Is that a dumb plan?
This is exactly what I do and on most years I take numerous kids. I also don’t let em shoot real far nor do I make the choke real tight. A nice usable pattern is what I go for. Now commonly federal mag shots are great. I think we’ve killed more birds w them than anything else but the heavy shot advice was good too. I have a 20 set up just for em. I don’t matter much though if you stay close. Everything is a compromise. Think bout something. A good patterning 40 yard load will be too tight up close for most young kids. A worry of a bird at 40 getting away isn’t worth the lack of wiggle to up closer.
Here’s a trick if the kid hasn’t shot. I personally use real light reloads for the kids to practice with but even than I use inner foam protectors w outer muffs. It deadens sound that much more and gun seems to kick less. Remember turkey loads aren’t wing shot, you’re leaning into gun so not too much even w that. Good luck to you both